I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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