Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
