we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
