You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
