Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
