I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sorry my hands just texted you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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