I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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