NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
