So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
