I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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