first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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