If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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