This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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