So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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