After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
