i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
