I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this will be a night to untag.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
