the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
