In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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