Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
