so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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