now i know why i became what i already was.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
