And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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