Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
