I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I am morally bankrupt
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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