so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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