I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am one with the molecules
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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