i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
