East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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