Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
