imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
