I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
sarcasm needs its own font
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
