Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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