Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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