A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
