sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Holy shit dude........stairs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
