Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
