so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
