That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
