Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
