why didn't you poke me back
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
