I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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