what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No subtext here. People are naked.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
