I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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