Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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