in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
