I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
