You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
