You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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