Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
cat food counts as protein by the way
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
